… to a bitta’ self-love- loving yourself enough to have an overflowing sink of goodness that whenever life strikes you with toxicity, you is still good for the go.
Let’s clear up the air with this one though because I’ve believed for so long that loving yourself was completely a narcissist way of living.
There is a mahooooosive difference between the two for sure. When I refer to self-love I am not promoting that narcissist belief where there is no one in the world but you, that you are some how ‘better’ than the rest. In fact I hate that attitude so much- I can think of a few girls at the top of my head who are virtually impossible to compliment because it goes straight through to their ass’.
I used to be friends with someone who just could not and would not stop talking about herself, she’ll be listening to you talk only to think about how she could respond. Don’t get me wrong, I like talking about myself too, but the problem is when you listen JUST to respond so that you can assert your I’m-better-than-you presence upon everyone, like get outta here please.
Other articles may tell you otherwise but I feel like the biggest difference between the two for me personally is the lack of emotions. From what I have observed of certain people whom I would consider narcissists is that they say the right things to seem engaged but really there is not that genuine presence in the exchange of the conversations. Like they would know what the right time is for a ‘hmm’ and an ‘ahh’ but cannot really engage with me emotionally. They lack empathy and almost feel drained from having these conversations because it requires them to change their whole demeanour from ‘me’ to ‘them’.
I mentioned in my first post that I have this overwhelming sense of freedom when I find myself alone in my own thoughts because that’s me in my purest, truest form. I find myself alone again in this season and I’m loving the things I’m learning about myself, though they’re tough in nature, it comes with a glare of hope because I know it’s beautiful that I can even engage with such home truths about myself, I feel like change is only on the horizon.
One of the things I’m learning is that there is such a deficiency of self-love and self-belief in me to the point where I’m pretty much empty of any love if there isn’t anyone there to give me it. I was under the illusion that I received love from having words of affirmation (which is basically encouragement for those that are unfamiliar with that term) thrown at me, but recently discovered that it’s more than that, I receive my worth from that- this is where things get messy because I got reliant on others’ validation of my qualities than my own admiration of those qualities. Gosh, I never knew how difficult it was to explain that, I really hope it’s making sense to those that are reading!
I think that self-love is essentially the basis of your decision-making; your partners, your career choices, your morals, your everything! It’s the love that you have for yourself that’ll be that wise voice of reason in your head. From reflection of all the people I’ve allowed into my life, I could say that they were all from a place of insecurities, most definitely. Subconsciously, I attracted people who were in more or less the same boat as me. Reflecting on something of the recent, I am more than certain that it was my lack of self-love that allowed me to act on certain insecurities that resulted in more activation of insecurities. Bloody big pool of insecurities around me mate, ha, mad!
One thing that I promised myself that I’d do is to never stop being honest and vulnerable on these blog posts. We all have tons of insecurities; I’m just more vocal being that I have a platform to talk about it on now.
To summarise, there is a massive difference between being self-loving, and being absolutely into yourself at the expense of others, just wanted to clarify that- don’t be that person please, it’s extremely irritating to have a conversation about anything with you.
Anyways I hope that’s given you guys something to think about until the next post! The second part of this series will be on the specific things that I’d noticed in me that eventually resulted in my being more aware of the absence of self-love- this is all in hope that it will someday resonate with someone. I just also want to add that it bloody takes a lot of freakin’ courage to write such raw content for you guys so please put some respect on my vulnerability, don’t be using nada against me- that’s all.
Until next time then! Stay awake, stay alert, stay Bindipendent! x
ABOUT THE PHOTOGRAPHER
I got to work with the beautiful Shweta Shukla for this series of self-love- I saw her photography and fell in love with it instantly, she has established her own style and can see the passion in her eyes when she speaks of it. I’m totally biased because she is indeed a South Asian babe trying to do her thing in the creative field of Filmography & Photography and so there was that extra push to collaborate, and I loved every bit of it! Check out what she’s about and follow her blog too!
Hi! I’m Shweta (pronounced sh-way-tha). I’m a 19 year old film student born in India, but raised in London. I aspire to be a filmmaker and photographer one day, ah how perfect would that be! I run a small blog for fun called ‘My Lifestyle Mantra’. I like to write about fashion, beauty, travel and my photography – it’s a blog with a bit of everything really!
So a bit about me first. I was born in India, and lived there for about a few years before moving to London. I come from a very cultural family. We love our festivals and celebrations. I speak hindi – not very fluent, but I know a good amount! At home I always speak hindi, I feel like it helps me improve on my mother tongue, as well as making sure I remember it. I am so in touch with my culture, and I am very proud to be from the south asian community. Call me a ‘freshie’ or whatever, but I’m proud of it! I love me some Bollywood films and music here and there. I feel like sometimes people are a bit embarrassed about showing off their culture. Scared that they may be stereotyped in a certain way, but I say LET IT SHINE.
If you see my blog, I really focus on getting good photos. Photography is such an important part of my life, and its no longer just a hobby, it’s a lifestyle. I naturally want to take photos, it’s not something I feel like is chore for me. I like to experiment with many different styles, especially with portrait photography. It’s funny because I hated portrait photography, but after studying photography at sixth form, I LOVE it. I study film and tv at university at the moment, and it’s really fun! The only downside, that I try not to let get to me, is when you tell some people what course you do. In particular, older people. I can hear the tone of judgement, like why is she studying film? Where is that going to get her? As much as I try to ignore it, it sometimes really gets to me. Don’t get me wrong, I will still continue to pursue my dreams, but I want those people to realise that not everyone has a dream of being a doctor, an engineer etc. Now you might be thinking, how does an Indian girl have parents that are letting her do film and tv?! Well I’m lucky to have parents who let me do what I want, and not what they want me to do. I have their 100% support, and they believe in me. I’m forever grateful for that, because I know people who are doing courses that they have zero interest in. What’s the point of that? Okay, this is just turning into a rant so I’ll stop there but make sure you come and have a look at what I get up to on my side of the green grass!